Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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