would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
