i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
