Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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