So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize