I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
