I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
