whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
