I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
