i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize