We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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