why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
