Yo dont text me then not text me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
