True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
