This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
