im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
