if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
pop tarts are not kleenex
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
