A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
