Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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