This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
