watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
