god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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