Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
