try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize