my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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