I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
