you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
