the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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