Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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