I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
