4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
