I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
