is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You pole danced in your parka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
