K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even my vagina gasped.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
