If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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