You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
