he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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