Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
