i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
