I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
