It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
try to milk me bitch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
