Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
