dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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