Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
