Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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