if only i could text you this smell
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
