Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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