Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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