Fuck appropriateness.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
