I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
