I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
