I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
