we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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