Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
