I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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