you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
