Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
