Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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