honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
