I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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