Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
