I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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