the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize