Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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