So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
