next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
