Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
