when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
