tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
