It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
