So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
