Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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