i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
