haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
