dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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