is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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