Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
