so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize