Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
