Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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