this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
