Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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