How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
