I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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